I wish I could teleport
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They took my balls.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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