would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
