i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
