i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
