you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
