the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
