Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
