life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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