garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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