So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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