I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
