I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
there is glitter all over my balls
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
