I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
