you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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