i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
