so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
