do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize