I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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