I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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