Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
