I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
