it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
