you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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