I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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