i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
