i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize