In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
