Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
