how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize