Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
