apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
