I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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