Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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