walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
