I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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