Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
