Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
