I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
