I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
