Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
