Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize