meet me or not, i'm out of control
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
