Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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