well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
