Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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