So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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