She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize