Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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