i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
