you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
