You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
