I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
