someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
