Where is the hickey?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
