So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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