No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
