This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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