you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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