I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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