why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
