Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize