I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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