never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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